Reflections

It's 3:30 am and I am unable to sleep, so here I am, thinking and blogging about trading.
As the blog title suggests, it is about my transformation, my journey from an average bluecollar small business owner to stock-trader. My goal is simple: to initially survive then thrive making money off the daily movment of stocks. There are related goals as well, not specifically financial in nature.
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I have lately had a rise in my level of frustration at my inability to progress toward my goal in a meaningful way. I have been pushing myself to do things differently. There's no question that I have been taking more risks in my practice-trading and I have been pushing myself to make trades that do not fit the outline of higher-probability success. In short, I have been doing "more" but not doing "better." And, I have been more prone to "averaging price" to make up for bad stock entries.

Why? There are two reasons and both have to do with outside influences and distractions.
First and foremost, Mrs BlueCollar's job recently has taken an ugly turn. She has a coward for a boss who will not lead his department. Therefore, the level of infighting and backstabbing has risen over the past few years as the "inmates slowly realize they can run the asylum." For her and a few others, it has begun to carve at their souls and recent formal attempts to combat the problems have been presented to weak and ineffective leadership. She is in a difficult period there and more than anything wants to make a change. Financially, it is not possible for us, given our current path and the goals which we have set for ourselves. This is crushing for me to have to watch a great person like her travel to a place that is slowly sapping the life-force from her. She is good at her job but has a narrow field of expertise in the industry and openings for her to move companies are few and far between.

Secondly, my level of dissatisfaction with my current career. I am grateful to have my small business. I have built it over twenty years to one which provides me a middle class income. That being said, I am more than ready to move on. It is physical and often repetitive in nature and my age is advancing. Those are not compatible, as we who are mid-life know all too well. The work is satisfying from a customer service standpoint but can be distasteful to perform at times. And, I am currently beholding to one customer for a greater percentage of my income than I feel comfortable... there's that "risk" idea popping up again. In short, this business is not my future and I am loathe to grow it to the next level. It would require a major investment of money, employees, and time; time I need to learn to trade if I am to advance. These are the reasons why I began this journey in the first place. They have not changed.

The point of this post is not to whine about the pressures of daily life, There is nothing different about us from many others in the developed world. In fact, we have teriffic and full lives outside of work. The point is really about how the outside influences of life can bleed into trading decisions and disrupt things. Even as a paper-trader, I find myself changing my behavior away from my best self-interest. I am pressing beyond where I should in order to force success. But my skills are not sufficient to allow the change. I am a risk-taker and always have been. I have fallen flat a number of times in my life as a result. But I have generally profitted from my willingness to drive into the unknown areas of life. Right now, I believe wisdom is not accompanying my risk-taking.
I am not thinking of quitting nor am I thinking about taking a long hiatus. However, I am currently weary of the journey and frustrated with what I perceive as steps backwards in my decision making as I practice. And ever-present is my inablity to cut bad trade ideas loose quickly. Life is mucking up my trading arena and it is very disruptive. In my opinion, the only thing which will really solve this problem is trading success. And that is the kind of circular situation which can elevate the level of frustration.
My short-term goal is to try to press the stuff of my life back away from the trading arena. Anyone who wants to be a successful trader must not let the emotions of life dictate his or her decision-making. Trade like a computer if possible.

How is your daily life influencing what you do at the computer as you make trading decisions? Have you identified the problem and how best to address it?

Markets are closed today and I am going to take a week-long break from posting as well as practice trading. I have been getting behind on my home construction project and the deadline is just two months away. Further, with the recent flooding in the Northeastern US, a portion of my business has been quite busy. I think a step back to reflect is in order. Best of luck to you all!

March 31

Here are yesterdays trades. I had a couple hours to sit in with the markets.

The first was HES and a what a bad entry it was. In fact, it couldn't have been much worse. When I shorted within a penny of the reversal to the upside, I know that I was the one "left holding the bag" when the real traders were getting out. Why did I do it? Because after Tuesdays trading, I decided that I would try to follow momentum and play in the direction of the trend to change things up a bit. To get myself on the correct side of a trade from the outset. Well, I bought the worst price of the pullback, and within three cents of the worst price for the rest of the day (the 11:20 candle dropped three cents lower thn my entry). This was clearly a suckers play by the market makers to get the stupid money to chase. Fortunately, I am paper-trading. The lesson: don't throw out what I've learned and just jump in. Wait for the familiar entry points which have proven higher rates of success.

And, get out with a stop loss. I sat on this and tried to figure out why I took the trade instead of cutting it loose.

Second loss was TNA, and I decided to learn from the first trade by using a stop. I saw the 10:25 red candle that was a "near-doji" and thought it represented a good likelihood of reversal. But, I hesitated and didn't get in soon enough. I shorted too low a price and the normal intra-candle oscillation bumped up the price, pushing me to stop out. Then, the price dropped after I was shaken out, proving my instinct was right. Good idea, bad execution. I like that I didn't hesitate on the stop, though. And, I could have given my idea another try in the 10:35 candle. I didn't maintain my patience and I didn't trust my instincts to be right once it didn't suceed the first time.

In FAS, I reverted to my old "habit." First, I stuck with my plan to go with momo but as in my first trade of the day, I got burned at the low of a move going the wrong way on a reversal. Instead of getting out, though, I held and watched. Big mistake. Should have exited and reversed because I was on the short side of a nice move up. At 11:50 and 11:55, I found my reversal point and hit it with two positions short to add to my other position. My trade idea proved correct, FAS dropped, and I rescued my earlier bad trade idea. As it has been for the past 13 months, I have given myself a "mulligan," a "do-over" for you non-golfers. I think the greatest allure of this risky strategy is that it works a lot of the time if you can correctly time the additional entries. But, the risk is big, big. Definitely not the safe way to trade if doing it with real money.

Today, April 1st, I am spending most of the day with my construction project so I might sit in on the markets at lunch for a short time. Unlikely I'll do much more than that.

March 30th

Gains on the day but a major loser in reality. This trade was only saved because I averaged a better price on the original trade which should have been sold with the gain I had -OR- stopped out when I felt momentum reverse on me at 1:40-1:45 pm. And, I did feel the momo change and I stared at it dumbly. My technical skills have vastly improved over the past year but I am still struggling with the same mental blocks. This is why I haven't gone back to trading with real money. I often feel so close to my goal. My instincts are good enough now to make money trading. I do believe this to be true. But, I cannot take the risks with my trading account to do what I did today.

It seems crazy that I should be disappointed with a $500 gain, but I surely am. I am optimistic that this will be solved. My future and others around me depend on it.