"A man is not finished when he is defeated. He is finished when he quits."

Thursday, May 23, 2013

May 23 ($551.29 loss)

12:27   Exited the final 1000 shares of TZA that I held from yesterday.  Loss of $551.29  I am now out of the debacle trade from yesterday.  What a rotten experience to put myself through.  This type of event is what turned me away from live trading and toward practice trading nearly 4 years ago.  Sad commentary that I am still performing the same way after so long.  The mental hurdle is exceptionally hard for me to get over.  It makes no rational sense to me.  It is not intellectual or based in reason, it is purely psychological / emotional.
Shares of TZA are rising now after my exit, so at least in the short term, it was a good place to get out.  At one point, just after the open, I was down $1,800 on this position.
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I am taking some time to replenish my mental capital.  Mrs. Bluecollar, who has a more free-spirited personality sat with me this morning for 2.5 hours and actually was up $350 in practice trading while I had only two stop-outs.  We were practice trading GMCR, a nice momentum stock.  She knows very little about trading except for the chart and momentum readings I was feeding her.  My charting knowledge combined with her free, easy, relaxed demeanor was a positive combination.  her gains came on one stop out and two winners.
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With Memorial Day market holiday coming, I am considering taking a four day weekend away from trading.  Probably just going to watch and practice trade the rest of today and tomorrow, unless there is something incredibly compelling that would warrant real money on the line.
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3:35   Saw a great scalping trade in GMCR but refrained.  I need to take some time to think about this whole episode.  Will sit with the market tomorrow, then look forward to a long weekend away from the computer.  Lots of yard work and maybe go to see the new Star Trek movie.  Mentally, I need to elevate my state of being... and to just lighten up.  It is not my personality, but it is necessary to be more flexible in my thinking while at the computer.  

Re-post of an early April, 2012 post:



-from April 3, 2012:

The basic concept of trading, in my opinion.



One thing that has become clear to me over the 13 months that I have been practicing this full time: The more obvious the price and direction to enter or exit, the more likely it will be used by the most traders. And any spot where the most traders act is the spot where the successful ten percent of traders will prey upon those other 90% (I use the 90% and 10% because that is the success fail rate that is quoted by a study done years ago). TNA in this screen shot is a perfect example of what I see every hour of every day.

You will see an orange mark on the long down candle at 2:00 when the market drooped after The Ben Bernank opened his mouth. You can verify that it was there on earlier charts. This was the spot where my "Impulse Buy" was. Where my emotions were telling me to jump in against trend. You'll also note that in the next candle, price retraced to that very spot beofre resuming its deep descent. That is no coincidence. That was price retesting the "sucker's level." Then you'll see where I clicked to buy my practice trade in the 2:10 candle. There's no doubt that there were many many real-money traders who acted on the same impulse at this level. I am not a professional trader and therefore, consider myself a novice. The price action in relation to this entry spot is an example of the point I am trying to express. It dropped enough to stop me out, plus a few pennies more. That is no coincidence, just as it is no coincidence when it has happened so often before (see my many references to it over the past couple weeks). I and many other novice traders who got in long at this pretty good price were punked and stopped out by the sharks who REALLY know what they are doing. They are not trading spots on a chart. They are "Trading the Trader," as Quint Tatro explained in his enlightening book of the same name. To continue, if you look at the sixth, seventh, and eighth candles (2:40, 2:45 2:50 respectively) after the one I entered, you will see stock price aligning with my entry price as a focal point of its consolidation, especially the 2:50 candle that makes a near doji within a penny or two. This is no coincidence. It is clear that the masses of real money traders and me, the novice practice-trader, got in at this level.
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All prices are a reflection of buying and selling, and buying and selling is a portrait of the intentional as well as emotion-driven impulses of the buyers and the sellers. And where the most people are compelled to act is where the other few people will exploit them...because human beings, like all the other animals that roam the earth, are creatures of habit and prone to be slaves to their basic emotions. Any habit can be gamed by the truly savvy and practiced few. They are the 10% who survive to become those who trade for a living.
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Successful trading means knowing human psychology and seeing how it is represented through the price action on the charts by studying a moving market, for months and years until your eyes bleed. This will lead to learning the patterns of the 10%,while trying to manage and master one's own natural emotions that compel one to act with the 90% majority. This art of trading is really gamesmanship.

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Therefore, it comes as no surprise that successful traders use psychologists, like Dr. Brett Steenbarger who left trading and blogging to work on staff at a major hedge fund. It is no surprise that successful traders learn to understand their own emotional makeup with tools such as yoga (Michael Martin, Steve Spencer, James Altucher), meditation (Michael Marcus, Scott Farnham aka Bankrobber), exercise (Mike Bellefiore), traditional religious faith and prayer (Quint Tatro, a Christian), hypnosis (Scott Farnham), writing trading thoughts and feelings on paper (Linda Bradford-Raschke). These people are but a few who used the various tools best known for focusing / centering the mind.

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Jack Schwager is the author of one of the best known books about succesful traders and the exploration of what made them so; "Market Wizards" and his follow-up, "The New Market Wizards." In that follow up book, he wrote this: "Time and time again, those whom I interviewed for this book and its predecessor stressed the absolutely critical role of psychological elements in trading success. When asked to explain what was important to success, the market wizards never talked about indicators or techniques, but rather about such things as discipline, emotional control, patience, and mental attitude toward losing. The message is clear: the key to winning in the markets is internal, not external."

Re-post of March 27, 2012, outlining my method of training to accept losses...

-from March 27, 2012:


For today...

For today, I am going to enter my practice trades as usual. But, I am only going to exit them under two circumstances. 1) Stop loss..... 2) Less than 15 minutes to market close. That's it.
I had a lousy day of execution yesterday. I ended with a $159 gain in sim-trading but that is not the point. I had some good entries but exited early because of failure anxiety, leaving much gain on the table. Then, I entered my last trade of the day and instead of hitting my stop when it went against me, I held the losing trade. Unacceptable.
As mentioned previously many times, I have a fear of loss. I don't like the way failure feels. What a strange irony this is, that losing small with stop-outs is the key to success. After all this time, I still have difficulty getting my head around this concept. Intellectually, it is clear to me but emotionally, I can't deal with it. Fear of failure has driven my life since I was a child. It's hard to reprogram over 45 years of life in a few months. But, I will try and then try again. The one thing I hate worse than failure is quitting.
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If it is failure I fear, then it is failure I will embrace. Mike Tyson said that "Everyone has a plan... 'til they get punched in the mouth." Well, this is where I see how much I can take while working my plan. Two ways to exit, stop outs and end of day. My goal is to put losses up on the board, even if there are obvious spots to exit for nice gains. This isn't about winning trades, it is about a search for and embrace of failure in hopes I can be familiar with and comfortable around it.
I will post the results end of day. Accountability might help my resolve.

Re-post portions of two March 2012 posts describing how comfortable it was to accept losses...

-from March 28, 2012:

"I picked the right time of the day to work with TNA considering my goal to put up losing trades in order to learn to accept losses." 

"Oddly, I felt very much at ease when my goal was not to win, but rather to lose. I can't help but wonder if that feeling is because I may have designed an exercise that really didn't test my fear because there was no expectation of winning when I placed the trade. That's how wierd it felt to have a trade on and not feel anxious about the outcome. It bears repeating: I'm not sure if the test was helpful or not because I am not sure I cared enough about trying to win! I have to continue this exercise for a number of days to see if I have found a way to trade without emotional discomfort or if I have set up a test where lack of concern about the eventual goal of winning trades has been abandoned. All I know is that it was a joy to click the mouse , stop out for small losses and react to it with the same concern as putting on a belt or walking through the frozen foods section at the supermarket."

"Takeaway:
I must continue with this expect-to-lose exercise until I can get my head around the odd (lack of) feelings it generated yesterday. I have to figure out if my lack of concern is a breakthrough as to how to mentally approach live trading or if the absence of anxiety is more about being emotionally removed from the trades I'm placing such that it is only about clicking a mouse and not placing and managing actual risk. I think time will yield the explanation."


-from March 29, 2012:

"Looking at the bright side:

1. I stopped out each trade faithfully which is the whole point of this exercise I am involved in.


2. My stop outs were in areas where my read of trend/momentum change was pretty good. It needs refinement... maybe some patience. I also MUST trade with trend as my first impulse as opposed to trading for reversals. My first two stops of the day would have been avoided had I done this. This is a perenial problem of mine.


Overall, I am happy with today. I am not joyful like yesterday, but I met my goal of exiting only by hitting stops or getting out in the last 15 mins of the session."

Re-Post of the day last year I decided to "throw caution to the wind" and trade correctly...

- from March 15, 2012:

Happy

I had a losing day today in sim-trading. Down $-241 on twelve trades. Only had 4 winners. The reason I'm happy is that all 8 losing trades were stop-outs. I didn't let a single one exceed the stop. In fact, between 2:30 and 4:00 pm, I had six out of eight practice trades end with stop losses. I closed the day with 4 straight losses.
In most of the losing trades, I had opportunities to scalp gains, one of them for 20 cents. But I am trying to hang in on my trades for bigger gains. Next to me on the wall is taped a sign that says, "Focus on Process, Not Results." I posted a photo of it on the blog not long ago. What doesn't show in the photo is what is written below it... "Exit only on Stop Outs, Volume spikes in winning trades, or at the Market Close." And that has been where I am trying to put my efforts. For now, I am trying to avoid using my intuition for exiting a stock. This has frequently been at my own peril, as it was today. Many times I had a feeling that I was on the wrong path... but I held firm and didn't exit. I'm focusing on process, not wins and losses. It's training to combat anxieties associated with Relief-Exiting and avoiding stop losses. And it's working to some degree... as the number of stop out losses mounted, I was silently coaching myself to relax, focus on process, stay in the moment; no worries about what came before and don't anticipate the future. Only think about my stop line, the one thing I can control. And it was working... In the 3 years I've been messing with the market, I've never taken more than 3 stops in a row before my resolve weakened. Before last week, I had only done two in a row before folding up and letting my stops lapse. I am getting stronger through my losses. I am always in danger of relapse, that's my personality. For now, I just get in the trade and say, "One Trade at a Time."

Where else do I need improvement based on today and virtually every other day I've done this? 11 of the 12 trades I attempted were counter-trend trades (reversal trades). This has been my bias since I began trying to learn this craft. The one trade I attempted in the direction of the overall upward trend of the day was a winner. On range days, I am in my comfort zone and my momentum reads are highly accurate. On trend days, I get slammed; punished by the uni-directional market. When reversal trades don't materialize for me, I cannot seem to surrender to the market, exit, and re-enter in the direction of the momentum. I am stubborn in my intent to be correct and it shows on days like today. It is just another way for my personality to not accept losing, just like my difficulties with taking stop losses.

I have a long way to go before I am ready to trade my live account again. But for today, I am happy with my discipline; the focus on process instead of results. Tomorrow is a new day. One trade at a time. One day at a time.

A re-post from Feb 1, 2012


Trading is mental

Having read and re-read Michael Martin's "The Inner Voice of Trading" over the past month, I am finding some relief when it comes to the self awareness necessary to be a successful trader.
I have taken to spending quiet time reflecting on the WHY that compels me to make bad trading decisions and where they truly originate. I reinstituted exercise into my day by walking about two to two and a half miles per day back in early November and moved to the treadmill in the cellar after the Maine winter arrived. With bad knees, I can no longer run, so I stick to walking and it gives me time to relax and think about the WHY. I've thrown in some strength training over the past two weeks and I feel better for it. Mostly, I am in this for mental dialysis and exercise second. Thirdly, my ability to stick to the regimen will reflect whether or not I have achieved the same discipline necessary to stick to proper trading fundamentals. Mrs. Bluecollar bought me two relaxation CD's that encorporate breathing exercises, muscle relaxation, positive affirmations, and calming music. I play them while I use the treadmill and am now in my second day of it. It is true that anxiety, stress, and fear are near the top of the list of reasons for trader failure.
As part of this whole thing, I am digging deep into my past and evaluating my life and the influence of those with whom I've encountered and the impressions that were left on me as a result.
I have also picked out some articles from Dr Andrew Menaker's blog at his website as part of my quest to become a trader: http://www.andrewmenaker.com/

I hope you get something from this one from March 29, 2011 entitled "Handling Uncertainty."

Handling Uncertainty 

March 29th, 2011 
Everyone talks about uncertainty, and many of you realize that the only thing that is certain in trading is uncertainty. The problem is that most people understand it on an intellectual level (“yeah, I think in probabilities”), but in reality, where the rubber meets the road, most traders don’t really accept uncertainty.

How do you know when you’ve truly accepted uncertainty? You’ll know, when you’ve embraced the randomness of probability (each trade or individual data point is a unique occurrence with a 50/50 chance, even in a skewed probability distribution). When you begin to truly embrace uncertainty you’ll notice one of or more of the following also occur; you won’t be thinking or worrying about it as much, you won’t be doing as much ‘mental P&L accounting’; and the symptoms of tick-itis will also remit.

I coach clients to not be attached to the outcome as one particular strategy to deal with uncertainty. And the good news is that when you begin to truly embrace uncertainty you also begin to create a positive feedback loop where realizing that its not worth being emotionally attached to any one trade, or even a series of trades; making it even easier to embrace the uncertainty. Non-attachment to outcomes helps one deal with uncertainty, and embracing uncertainty reinforces non-attachment to outcomes. That’s how it works, folks.

Think about this question for a moment:

When you put money in a slot machine and you lose, how do you feel? Most people don’t feel that bad. But when you bet your money on a trade and you lose, how do you feel? Most traders say they feel upset, angry, frustrated, ripped-off, even betrayed (betrayed by the market, betrayed by their method, or betrayed by the person who taught them the method).

So, what’s the difference between the slot machine and trading? In slots, there is no judgment or ego involved (the need to be right is greatly diminished). However, in trading it is 100% judgment (you might be ‘wrong’). In a trade, our ego, our judgment, our sense of self-worth and even our personal status in the eyes of others (e.g. trading partners, family, etc.) is susceptible to feeling assaulted for each tick away from our intended target. But in slots we become a robot. Go to a casino and walk by the slot machines; everyone is glazed over, practically in a hypnotic state as they automatically (brainlessly as my wife puts it) dump more coins into the machine, pressing the lever and not getting very upset for lack of a pay-out. No judgment is on the line, there is no possibility of being wrong….the slot player recognizes the situation for what it is, pure unadulterated randomness.

Trading is not random, but you must fully accept, beyond intellectual understanding, the randomness of probability.